The Summer Olympics are in full swing, so it’s only natural to day-dream about competing to be the best. I’ve thought long and hard about this and decided if they ever open the following categories, I’m a world contender:
Competitive Fast Sleeping: I always wake up thinking I haven’t had enough sleep. Clearly I’ve slept too fast, because when I wake up, I usually have to get up. I’m willing to bet I sleep faster than others and would welcome a world stage to prove this.
Competitive Low Mileage Volvo Ownership: This endurance event pits Volvo owners against each other for a non-intuitive Volvo event in which the Volvo never leaves the garage. Most Volvo owners pride themselves on cars with hundreds of thousands of miles. Next month, I’ll have owned my car since September 2001, and as it turns seven years old, I’ve logged 20,142 miles (I just checked it). My carbon footprint is a toenail (and the little toenail, at that).
Competitive Pocket Stuffing: I don’t leave the house anymore without my AT&T 8925 (which grants me Slingbox Pro access to my Tivo HDs and allows me to tether my laptop for HSDPA 3G network access), my Sony HDR-TG1, my Canon PowerShot SD700 IS, my Inova Microlight, a somewhat boring wallet, a Swiss Army Knife, and a case to hold my Oakley Square Wire sunglasses. All of this is typically stuffed into cargo shorts and yes, I have an amazing belt.
Come on, Olympic committee! You let NBA players in now when it used to be amateurs only. How about contests like these on a level playing field?
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